meridio | (Awash & Hugtopia) IC contact

Somnus-

It was suggested to me not long ago that it would be wise to open a discussion in this manner, lest we continue to descend into clashes and arguments. I am not sure I expect that you will read this and less that you will respond, but that is fine. So long as I have the will to make the attempt, the rest is yours to decide upon. I know I have been carelessly bitter and even cruel in word and action around you; that my own resentment colors the rare instances when our paths cross. Rather than risk such a thing again, I would sooner extend a hand through the less direct channels available to us.

To claim myself the only one in pain would be foolish, and I know this. The fissures carved between us were made by broken ground on both sides, and to cross it would require both willing to reach out. And no matter what happened, despite how furious I am and how long these past ages have been, I am your elder brother yet. Even if I have no power to help you, or if perhaps you should hate me enough that you wish me not to try, I wish better for you than what you have made yourself into, enduring silent suffering for all this time. It was ever my duty to protect you before all else, and I knew myself to have failed you in that respect long before that night in the throne room. Even should reconciliation be well beyond us, I would still reach out my hand to you for your sake and my own alike; that we might try to heal what can be healed and put aside what can be put aside.

I love you, little brother. Though that love is strained and my own heart damaged with it, it is not conditional and never shall be.

-Ardyn

[It was some time—but not so long as to bring into question whether or not the message had been read—before Somnus replied.]

I have never hated you.

What I did to you was unforgivable, and you have all the right to be furious. I'm sorry.

[Similarly, Ardyn's own response wasn't immediate by any means; it seemed like he was taking the time to actually think through his words for a change.]

True enough, I can't forgive you. But I can believe you and your apology to be sincere, and accept it regardless.

Speaking in all honesty I wanted to hate you; for a while it felt as though that would simply be easier or even justified. But after time enough to collect myself and gain a better grasp on the situation, I find I simply can't. No matter how angry I might be or how unforgivable your actions, I neither hate you nor do I wish to.

I don't wish to become what the others say I will. I don't want to end up some twisted vengeful monster. Clinging to a grudge against you and your every descendant would serve no purpose and only make me something I'm not.

You house within you the Scourge of countless daemons. Others have succumbed to the madness where you persist, and only by your strong will do you retain your sense of self still.

[A longer pause that time, Ardyn pressing a hand to his eyes--yes, he knew that, but it wasn't what he meant. But that was the reason they were doing this, wasn't it--so they could take the time to clearly express themselves instead of snapping into kneejerk reactions and arguments.]

It is not my sense of self which concerns me, but my sanity entirely. I would seek to prevent myself from becoming the murderous thing Regis and Cor are more familiar with, and in this endeavor I wish to start here, on the most important point in need of repair for your sake as well.

I'm sorry, too. Nothing should ever have gotten as far as it did, and neither one of us should shoulder blame for it alone.

You wanted only to save the people.

[The burden of duty had a way of narrowing one's field of vision. After long deliberation, he added:]

How much were you told?

I did. So did you, and it was foolish for both of us to bicker and argue as we did despite having the same goal.

I wish 'enough' were an answer that would sufficiently explain things, but between Regis, Cor, and unfortunately Verstael, I was told a fair bit. I know what happened in Insomnia, that Niflheim eventually collapses and that it seems the entire planet is swiftly following.

[Yes, he thought. They had both been so foolish, understanding nothing of each other's position, and had paid the price in blood.]

For me, the world has been on the brink of collapse for years.

Cor suggested as much himself.

It shouldn't have to be like this. If we hadn't been such idiots, we could have spared the entire world such trouble. Is there no recovering from it?

The Scourge has always been greater than us, far more than we ever realized.

But our world will recover. The darkness will be dispelled, and dawn will break again.

Would that I could have such confidence in that.

The souls of our line have remained in the realm for this very purpose. Our house will not rest until Light is restored.

What if it didn't have to be like this? If there were a way to change things, somehow, before it all grew so dire as to threaten the entire world?

The Scourge has always been too strong. This is the way it must be.

That's a narrow way of thinking, one of which I have been guilty of as well. Think of where we are right now, and of how the world extends so far past our own star and the limitations thereof.

I know well--perhaps better than anyone, at the moment--of the power the scourge possesses. But it is not so far removed from the realm of possibility that stronger things exist even in this very city.

Even if you did find something stronger, there is no guarantee of success. All of us hail from different periods, and our memories of this world could well be forgotten upon our return. You would require a power not only capable of purging the Scourge, but transcending the boundaries of time and space: you mean to search for another god.

Perhaps, or something close to equivalent.

Just because success is not guaranteed, is that reason enough to not consider exploring potential options? Does this not take into consideration the larger picture of things--of saving the world and all those who live upon it, rather than my prior ill-conceived methods?

What if we could stop all of this before things fall to such a dire state? Would you not even entertain the concept of seeking other solutions?

(Awash & Hugtopia) IC contact

text; new yearsish

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